Understanding Assertiveness
Assertiveness is about clearly sharing your needs and rights without stepping on anyone else’s toes. When you communicate honestly and directly, you build confidence, earn respect, and enjoy a more satisfying life.
Why Being Assertive Helps
When you speak up for yourself, you keep your relationships genuine and feel more in control. This approach makes decision-making easier and helps you handle everyday challenges with more ease.
What Might Hold You Back
Many people worry that standing up for themselves will hurt others or lead to rejection. This fear often comes from the idea that other people’s opinions matter more than your own. Messages from our early life—what we learned from parents or caregivers—can make us doubt our right to lead our own lives, chase our dreams, or say no when needed. Unfortunately, holding back can leave you feeling hurt, anxious, and frustrated.
Assertiveness Isn’t Aggression
It’s important to remember that assertiveness isn’t the same as aggression. Aggression forces your needs onto others at their expense. If you’ve ever mistaken someone’s assertive behavior for being aggressive, it might have made you hesitate to speak up yourself. Knowing the difference is key to building your confidence.
Practice Makes Progress
Like most things that are new, real change comes with practice. Start by noticing the moments when you hesitate to express yourself and make a note of them. Write down what happened, which right was involved (like the right to say “no”), and what you said. Over time, you’ll see your efforts add up—even small steps make a difference.
Simple Tips for Everyday Assertiveness
- Keep a small notebook: Jot down situations where you feel you could have been more assertive.
- Record the details: Note the event, the personal right involved, and how you actually responded.
- Reflect and improve: Think about what went well and what you might do differently next time.
- Use “I” statements: Phrases like “I want,” “I need,” or “I feel” clearly express your thoughts. For instance, instead of saying, “I don’t want to go—do you mind?” try, “I’d prefer to stay in tonight.”
Getting Support
If past experiences or habits make it hard to speak up, remember you’re not alone.
This is something that Instep can assist with through professional counselling. It can offer practical support to help you build assertiveness skills faster.
